


The Cost of Surrender

by Xeros (TeamForgotten)



Series: The Forgotten [3]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst and Humor, Character Development, Fantasy, Male Bonding, Original Character-centric, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-07 21:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1914840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamForgotten/pseuds/Xeros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xeros can't remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue?

After that day, months passed, somehow. I spent a lot of the time walking. Walking to school, on the occasions when I decided to go, walking home from school, walking past people who I pretended not to notice. I mastered the art of looking into the distance purposefully. People left you alone more often if you looked like you were headed somewhere in particular. I saw my friends less and less often. They were afraid to say things that would upset me, and our conversations grew awkward and strained.

Before I knew it, exactly a year had gone by. I marked the date on my calendar in marker a few days in advance, and woke up every morning at sunrise to stare at the red circle with a twisted feeling in my stomach. When the day arrived, I thought about going outside, maybe setting up some kind of memorial, but in the end I skipped school and spent the entire day sitting inside, not doing much of anything.

It was a good thing that my neighbor, a plump, friendly woman, decided to bring over some extra food for me in the evening, because I didn’t feel like cooking. I didn’t especially feel like eating, either, but she sat with me and insisted that I try some of the dish. I don’t remember what it was. It wasn’t terribly good, but I told her that it was delicious. She seemed to like that. I couldn’t think of much to say, which unfortunately gave her the opportunity to make several comments about how badly she felt for me, and about how I must be so lonely cooped up in this empty house. I dimly heard her suggesting that I come by her house to meet her daughter, who was about my age and very pretty, and gave her some noncommittal answer.

I gave her my best attempt at a smile when she finally stood to leave, and declined her repeated offers to come over more often to help me look after the house as politely as possible. She seemed unconvinced when I told her that I was fine, and felt the need to give me a concerned look and a motherly hug before she left. I sat there at the kitchen table for a long time. It was past midnight when I finally drifted off, head pillowed on bare arms resting on cold tabletop.

I woke to the sound of a voice calling out for me. I sat up, shaking away the initial disorientation of finding myself somewhere other than my bed, and looked around the cluttered room. Still dark. A few stray rays of sunlight hopefully fought their way through the gap in the curtains, but were vanquished by stacks of dirty dishes piled on the windowsill.

I worked a crick out of my neck and stood. My body protested at the sudden movement, but I paid it little attention. I found a reasonably clean mug, filled it with lukewarm water from the jug on the counter, and stood by the window, sipping it slowly and letting my eyes adjust to the faint light. Someone was still calling me. I couldn’t tell where they were. The voice wasn’t near enough that I could hear the words, but I knew they were out there somewhere. It didn’t feel urgent. I took my time waking up, then went outside.

There was just enough light creeping over the horizon to irritate my headache. My brain decided to take a backseat to my feet for the time being, and I wandered through empty streets for some time. It was still too early for anyone to be up and around, especially these days. Those of us who were left were cautious enough by now to limit outdoor ventures to only those of absolute necessity. The air was cool, but not cold, and strangely still. The sound of my footsteps echoed dully off the walls of shops and houses as I passed.

The feeling of being summoned gradually grew within my mind. I found myself drifting gradually closer to the fountain court, and couldn’t see any reason to fight the impulse. Nothing seemed out of place as I turned the corner and descended the steps to the fountain, but I couldn’t dispel a certain feeling of wrongness. I sat on the ground, cross-legged on the stones, and stared into the flowing water. The sound of the fountain was relaxing, and I couldn’t bring myself to care about the occasional icy drops of spray on my face. I spent several minutes quietly watching before I realized what was wrong with the scene before me. The water, normally pure and clear, was running a deep, inky black. I wiped a hand across the few stray drops on my cheek and examined the liquid on my fingers. It wasn’t a trick of the light. My skin was now stained black. The liquid ran into the cracks of my palm and dripped down my wrist. I stood and walked to the edge of the fountain to get a closer look.

As I moved closer, the water in the basin of the fountain surged. The blackness ran together in long streams and pulled upwards, away from the water. A form took shape, gangly, twisted, and still connected to the fountain by long tendrils like falling water drops. The dark shape stretched up above my head and overflowed past the edge of the fountain to puddle around my feet. One protrusion shaped somewhat like a head even seemed to lean down in my direction as if it was watching me with inhuman curiosity. I imagined that I could see two glowing eyes deep within the shadows, scrutinizing me. Waiting. A small part of my mind recoiled at the sight in fear and horror, but I felt, at the same time, a strange calm. I didn’t run.

Sensing movement, I looked behind me. The walls and stairs behind me were seething with shadows. Seemingly endless pairs of yellow eyes glittered in the half-light, an audience gathered to watch my next move. I turned forwards again and faced the large shadow. Once again, I felt that a voice was calling out to me. It felt familiar and welcoming. The shadow extended a hand to me with thin fingers, far too long and pointed like claws. A heaviness came over me. I felt unimaginably tired. Far above me, beyond the fountain, I saw a sliver of sky shining, painted bright colors by the dawn. It was too bright, almost painful to look at. I was tired of facing sunrises. I closed my eyes. Then, finally, I felt nothing.


	2. Newborn

I awoke to the sharp pain of a boot in my side.

 “Wake up,” said a voice.

I sat up and looked around, expecting to see… something. I couldn’t remember what it was that I had thought would be there. Instead, my gaze settled on a dark figure standing above me. A black cloak fluttered and sent shadows dancing at the edges of my vision. For a confused moment, an image flashed through my mind. A vague recollection of a tall, shadowy creature, extending a dripping hand.

“Are you deaf? I said to get up,” said the figure, and I snapped out of my reverie, shaking my head slightly to clear it. There was no shadow-beast in the alley before me, just a person in a long coat, staring down at me from within a shadowed hood. I got to my feet stiffly, sore from sleeping against a hard stone wall.

 The hooded figure looked at me searchingly for a few moments, then made a dismissive noise. “You don’t look strong enough to bother with,” it said, with a voice that could only belong to a man, and turned to begin walking away from me. I followed him. I had nowhere else to go, after all, and I could not remember seeing anyone else for a very long time. As we walked, I tried to think of the last time I had seen anyone other than myself. I wasn’t able to think of a single time. I then tried to recall where we were, how I had come to be there, or even how long I had been sleeping in this alleyway. Still nothing. As a last resort, I tried to bring to mind my own name. Anything about myself would have sufficed at this point, but it quickly became obvious to me that I could remember nothing. Only a few jumbled images remained in my head, and even those were quickly fading, gone even as I thought of them, like the remnants of an already forgotten dream.

I examined the area around us while we walked. It was dark, the sky just past the rosy, twilight stage and moving into true night. Tall, steely buildings loomed over me on all sides. The semidarkness was punctuated at irregular intervals by glowing neon signs, and the ground shone where soft moonlight peered between the buildings. The air was very still, and the sound of my footsteps came to my ears strangely muffled, although some of that might have been due to the still somewhat muddled state of my mind.

After we had walked for a short distance, the cloaked man stopped and turned to face me once again. “Shove off,” he said, sounding annoyed. “I have better things to do than go around picking up strays, no matter what Xemnas says.”

I didn’t have any reply to that. I had already decided to follow him, so I simply waited for him to continue on his way to wherever he was going. Before long, he gave me a warning glare and did exactly that. I went after him again.

“Suit yourself,” he called back over his shoulder. “If you can make it to the castle in one piece, maybe Saïx will let you in. If you’re lucky. But if you’re going to follow me, you’d better be able to keep up.” With that, he pulled a large sword, seemingly out of the air. I wondered if he was going to attack me with it, but instead he dropped it to the ground and stood on the flat of the blade. That didn’t seem like an excellent battle strategy to me, but just as I was thinking that maybe this man was a bit touched in the head, he rose into the air, apparently using the sword as some kind of hovercraft. Perhaps it wasn’t a normal sword at all. More pressing than the mechanics of how he was able to fly was the issue of how exactly I was going to follow him as he soared away across the roofs of the buildings around me. I managed to keep pace for a time by running along side streets and using my best guesses to figure out where he would appear next, but before long I was tired, and didn’t seem to have gained much ground.

To my surprise, just as I had thought that I had lost him for good, the hooded man swooped down to hover above my head.

“Having a little trouble?” he jeered, sounding amused.

 _He’s toying with me_ , I realized. _He could lose me any time he wanted, but he’s making a game of it._ That was good. Maybe I could use that fact to my advantage.

“No, just getting warmed up,” I said, trying not to look as winded as I was. “Why don’t we make a real challenge out of this?”

He pretended to fall off his sword in shock, but caught himself at the last second.

“It speaks!” he said, still in that mocking tone. But there was an edge to his voice now. I could tell that he was not happy with my answer. “You want more of a challenge?” he went on. “That isn’t gonna be a problem.”

“There have to be stakes,” I called up to him. “Otherwise there wouldn’t be any point.” He glided down closer, to hover with his feet at my eye level. Ah. So I had his attention. Good. “If I can catch you, you have to take me straight to your castle with no more arguing.” I hoped I would be able to find a way to match his speed, but for the moment all I could do was bluff.

He laughed mirthlessly. “Fine. But if you can’t, I’m going to kill you. And you won’t catch me.” He rose into the air again. “You must be some kind of idiot to pick a fight with me. You think you’re anywhere near my level?” He snapped his fingers. “I’ll show you just how wrong you are.”

Something moved in the street behind me. I turned to look, and saw several strange creatures approaching the place where I stood. They were tall, thin, and an unnatural pale color. They didn’t seem to have faces, exactly, only large zippers stretching across the front of their heads like mouths full of bared teeth. There were many of them now, pouring out of alleys on all sides. I didn’t know what would happen if I let them catch me, but I could imagine that I wouldn’t find it pleasant. I ran down the street, away from the creatures. They followed with strange, liquid motions, as if they had far greater than the usual number of joints.

“Well? What’s the matter?” laughed the man, flying back up into the sky once more. “Aren’t you going to come catch me?”  

 _Think_ , I told myself, but I already knew that I had no idea what I was going to do.  The streets grew narrower and more winding as I moved, and I could tell that I would soon be out of room to maneuver. It was seeming more and more likely that I might die here. The thought didn’t especially bother me. I remembered nothing, and so there was nothing for me to regret, or to miss. I considered this as I continued to dodge around groups of gray-white monsters. Somewhere inside myself, I had a sensation that something was deeply wrong. I supposed that I should be afraid, or even angry, but I couldn’t remember what either of those sensations was like, exactly, no matter how I tried. I avoided the monsters because it seemed like a sensible thing to do, and for no other reason.

The narrow alley along which I had been running suddenly opened out into a large square, paved with large cobbles. I had been expecting to reach a dead end, and initially thought that I had received a stroke of luck. However, when I tried to cross the open space, I found myself running into another group of many-jointed creatures that emerged from the gaps between buildings before me. I skidded to a halt and assessed my surroundings. I soon realized that the alley walls that had hemmed me in had also limited the movements of my enemies. Now I was surrounded by hoards of white bodies, undulating in unison to form grotesque waves on all sides. Hearing a laugh, I looked up and saw the dark shape of the hooded man, silhouetted against a huge, shining moon as he drifted high above the rooftops.

Again, I looked inside myself for some reaction, and found only blankness. The sense of nagging _wrong_ -ness returned, and I closed my eyes in order to think more clearly.

 _No_ , I realized, as I traced the thing that was nagging at my mind down to its source. It wasn’t that the inside of me was entirely blank. I had not noticed before because the source of the problem had been present since my awakening, but when I looked, I found that deep inside me, somewhere at the very core of my being, there was an intense… ache. That was the only word I could think of to describe it. It was as if something important, even essential, had been ripped away, and the resulting vacuum of space desired to fill itself with a voracity so strong that it consumed everything else that was a part of me. I was not afraid because there was no space inside me to be occupied by fear. 

The longer I considered this empty ache, the greater it became, as if it was feeding itself off my attention. The sensation grew, stronger and more painful, until it reached an intensity that drove me to my knees. Every part of my body felt weighed down under the force of it. I heard a noise, distantly, but was not sure what it was. Perhaps my opponent had spoken to me, or a white monster had approached. Perhaps I had cried out without realizing it. I could not make it out through the rushing sound in my ears as I fought to avoid being crushed.

 _What’s happening to me?_ I wondered dimly. Struggling through the blank rushing that threatened to overtake me, I did the only thing that I could think to do. I reached with my mind into the dark place within myself and _twisted_ , turning it in on itself. Something snapped into place, and I felt the crushing weight roll outward and away from me in a wave. There was a cacophony of noise, ending in a loud crash and a yell. I felt the world pitch sideways, and my vision went dark for a moment.

When I came to my senses, everything was strangely still. I clambered to my feet, though shakily, and looked around the square in confusion. The white creatures were gone, or at least – no, there they were. Strewn about on the stone ground were… puddles, and jumbled piles of multi-jointed shapes. I didn’t look at them for too long. Across the square from me, also lying on the ground, was the hooded man. His sword stuck, point first, into a space between two cobblestones beside him. He appeared to be alive, as he was moving and making a great deal of noise. I hoped that he was not going to get up soon, since my body was weak, and I did not think I could run any longer.

Before he could gather himself enough to stand, however, I heard footsteps behind me. I braced myself for more mysterious creatures, but before I could turn to see, a decidedly human-sounding voice asked,

“What has happened here?”                            

I looked behind me and saw another man in a long black coat. His hood was down, however, revealing both his face and his displeased expression. He was tall, with eyes of a curious golden shade and blue hair that reached past his shoulders. An x-shaped scar added severity to his face, not that it needed it, given his current scowl.

He walked in my direction and I tensed, not confident in my ability to defend myself at the moment, but he ignored me completely and made his way over to where my opponent was slowly getting up off the ground.

“Number Fifteen,” he said, “You were ordered to stay in the castle.”

Number Fifteen, as he was apparently called, rose to his full height and glared into the newcomer’s face, saying something angry that I did not pay much attention to.

His black hood had been knocked off when he fell, and I was finally able to get a good look at him. My general impression of him was that of darkness. His hair was a deep black, and it fell around his face and shoulders, obscuring him much as the hood had done. His eyes were dark as well, and seemed black from a distance, although it was difficult to be certain without a closer look. His skin, a medium sort of brown, was significantly darker than what I could see of my own when I looked at my hands. This thought made me realize with a slight shock that I did not know what I looked like. That, however, was an issue to be dealt with at another time.

As I had been examining them, the two men had become engaged in an argument. At least, the one called Number Fifteen was arguing. The other remained cool and dismissive, though he was clearly irritated. I decided that they were too busy to be a threat to me at the moment, and approached them. They ignored me until I placed a hand on Number Fifteen’s shoulder, when he whirled to face me.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he snarled, and pushed my hand away.

“I’ve caught you. I win,” I said. I was counting on the blue-haired man’s presence to save me from being run through with the sword that still stood beside us on the stones. It was an assumption that could have dangerous consequences, but it was a risk I was willing to take.

“That’s cheating,” he protested. “I wasn’t trying anymore.”

I shrugged. “There were no rules. Take me to your castle.”

He told me to do something both unpleasant and physically improbable.

“You’re a remarkably poor loser,” I told him, though I found his anger more amusing than upsetting.

That was when his fist connected squarely with my stomach. The air went straight out of me. As I leaned over and gasped for breath, I chided myself internally. I’d been so focused on the sword that I’d forgotten about the danger that the man himself might pose. Careless.

Still, I didn’t seem to be in much danger. The blue-haired man stepped between us before anything else could happen.

“Enough,” he said, looking between the two of us. He raised a hand, and a rift appeared in the air beside him. It must be made with some kind of magic, I thought. Who were these people?

“Number Fifteen, return to your room,” the man ordered. “I will speak to you later. You, come with me,” he added, giving me a severe look. I could see I hadn’t made an especially good first impression on him.

Number Fifteen stepped into the gap in the air and vanished with a muttered curse and a final glare, leaving me alone with the scarred man.

I wasn’t sure what to say, but the man seemed to be expecting something, so I decided to try walking through the rift, which clearly was used for transportation somehow. As I passed through it, I was plunged into deep darkness for a few moments, but soon emerged into a startlingly bright area. I blinked to adjust my eyes, and looked around as soon as I could see properly. I was in a hallway, with blank white walls and almost no distinguishing features. Several doors lined the hall, but I couldn’t see or hear any signs of life anywhere nearby. It felt entirely empty, and yet somehow strangely familiar.

I was still trying to place that strange, familiar feeling when the scarred man appeared behind me and closed the portal through which we had walked. He walked down the hallway, and I assumed that I was meant to follow. After a short distance, he opened a door and showed me into another white-walled room. This room was small, and contained only a single, narrow bed for furniture. There was, however, a large window that showed a dark sky, devoid of even a single star. I was making my way across to look out the window when my companion spoke again.

“Stay in this room until you are sent for. I will discuss your situation with Lord Xemnas.” He left the room, pausing only for a moment to add, “It may be some time.”

I was left alone, utterly confused, and staring at a white, closed door. I sat on the edge of the bed to collect my thoughts. Clearly, I was alive. That was the only thing of which I was currently certain. I did not know who I was, where I was, or why I was there. Apparently it was being discussed. I supposed that was of some comfort. On the other hand, whoever these people were might decide to kill me, or send me away again. I didn’t think I would mind being executed, as I had nothing to attach me to this life, but I didn’t want to have to wander by myself any longer. The emptiness in my chest twinged just at the thought of that. I pushed the feeling aside quickly. I still wasn’t sure what it was that I had done in the square earlier, but I was afraid to do it again in case I brought down the walls of this room. Besides, it had been a highly unpleasant sensation. I was entirely comfortable with the idea of never feeling it again.

I lay down on my back with a sigh and stared out the window. Now that I was looking from a different angle, I could see the moon I had noticed earlier floating in the sky outside. It had a curious shape, now that I looked more closely. Like a heart. Its light was yellow and warm. It was strangely comforting. I watched it for a long time, and must eventually have drifted off to sleep.


	3. Incomplete

My sleep was far from restful. I thought at several points that I had awoken, but found myself confused when the room I was in looked entirely different. The only consistent thing was that the hollowness inside me ached with a horrible steadiness, regardless of whether I was awake or asleep.

I was jolted out of my confused state much later by a horrible crash and a yell. I jumped out of bed and moved to the door to see what was wrong, then remembered that I was meant to be staying in this room. I decided that it was better to invoke the possible anger of a man I barely knew than to be mauled to death by some mysterious enemy, so I opened the door to see what the matter was. I was greeted with the sight of a hallway filled with flying mechanical parts. It looked as if a robot had been massacred.

A person was standing at the end of the hall. I moved forward to get a closer look, and narrowly avoided taking a piece of debris to the eye. I grabbed the thing out of the air before it could impale me and examined it. It turned out to be a small metal spring. I shrugged and put it in my pocket. By this time, the small explosion had calmed down, and I was able to approach the person at the end of the hall.

He was a young man of about my height, with dark blond hair and a worried look on his face. He was talking to himself as I approached, which I found slightly odd. I caught the end of a sentence once the echoes of the crash had faded.

“…every single day with the alarm clocks. Someone who happened to be innocently walking by could get seriously hurt,” he was saying in a slightly whiny tone. He turned to me as I neared him and went right on talking. “It’s why we had to put his bedroom all the way at this end of the hall, you know, but it hasn’t helped much. They should really think about these kinds of things before they send someone down here with a message. I could complain about mistreatment of workers. Don’t you think?”

He looked at me expectantly. I was caught off guard. After a moment of uncomfortable waiting, I decided to ask about the first thing that I had managed to make any sense of in what he had said.

“You have a message?”

The man looked a little deflated at that. I wasn’t sure why.

“You and Saïx really are a pair, aren’t you? Well, here.” He pushed a bundle of dark cloth into my hands. “You’re supposed to put this on and then go see the Superior.”

“Who?”

“Saïx? You know, blue hair, looks like this all the time…” the man stood up very straight and scowled in an exaggerated way.

“No, I meant what Superior? …and who are you? What is this place?” I wasn’t sure if this was the right person to be asking, but it couldn’t hurt to try.

The man whistled. “They really didn’t tell you anything, did they? Just get dressed and go upstairs. Xemnas will explain the rest. And I’m Demyx. What’s your name?”

“I don’t know,” I told him.

“Oh… right. Anyway, bathrooms are just down this way. See you around,” he said, and walked off in the direction from which I assume he came.

I remained where I was for a few moments, processing that exchange. I hoped not everyone here was so confusing. While I stood there, I began to hear a soft clinking sound, and looked around for its source. After a moment, I realized that all the pieces of metal, apparently from an alarm clock, if I had heard that Demyx man correctly, were gathering and dragging themselves across the floor towards the door at the end of the hall. It was fascinating, the way they moved on their own, and I watched with some interest as they gathered into a small heap just to the side of the doorframe. The door opened suddenly, also by itself, and the pile of rubble lifted into the air and floated into the depths of the room as if carried by an invisible hand.

A long moment later, the door banged wide open, smacking into the wall on the opposite side, and the man called Number Fifteen dragged himself from the room, shielding his eyes with one hand against the bright light of the hallway. He looked a terrible mess, with his hair sticking up in several odd directions, his clothes rumpled, and his eyes barely open. He stopped in front of me and held out a hand, demanding. It took me a few seconds to realize what he wanted. Once I figured it out, I took the spring from my pocket and placed it into his hand.

“Not a morning person, then?” I asked.

“Shut up.” He trudged back to his room. “And don’t touch my things.”

The door slammed shut again behind him. I went to look for the bathrooms.

The castle was like a maze, with all of its rooms decorated the same way, and a number of interconnected hallways, but I eventually found my way to a chamber that contained several sinks and shower stalls. Of course, everything in that room was blank and white as well. I was mildly surprised when the water that ran from the shower was a normal clear color, rather than that same white shade.

While I washed and dressed myself in the black garment, which turned out to be the same kind of cloak that everyone else here seemed to be wearing, I wondered at how it was that I could remember things like what color water was meant to be and what an alarm clock was, but not my own name. It seemed backwards. Something serious must be wrong with me.

Once I was dressed, I found a mirror in the shower room and examined my reflection. So. This was me. I waved a hand through the air in front of my face, just to make sure, and the reflection matched my movements exactly.

I had expected the sight of my face to trigger something. I wasn’t sure exactly what, but I had half-hoped that something would happen if I had a solid image to focus on. Some sort of flashback, or sudden knowledge. But there was nothing. I rested my hands against the wall and leaned in closer, cataloguing the details I saw in case something sparked some memory. I saw a thin face, somewhat peaked. All of the usual parts were there, and in the right places. One nose, pointed, slightly longer than would most likely be called attractive. Two eyes, a sort of muddy green. One unremarkable mouth. Hair, dark red and long enough to reach past my waist. I had noticed that earlier, since it kept falling into my eyes. I didn’t think that I looked young enough to be called a teenager, but not quite old enough to be properly considered an adult, either. I seemed out of place in the black robe, like a child playing dress-up in someone else’s clothes.

I stood up and pushed my hair out of my face, turning away from the mirror. This was getting me nowhere. It was unsettling, staring at a person who was meant to be me, who moved and acted like me, but to whom I felt no connection. I didn’t like it at all. I had a sudden claustrophobic sensation of being covered in something alien - mummified, almost. With a slight shudder, I left the room and made my way back in the direction from which I’d come. I didn’t want to think about myself or my memories any longer. It left me with a lingering unpleasantness, a hopeless sort of blank static in my head, when I focused on it for too long.

I knew nothing about where I was meant to go except that it was “upstairs”, so I decided to simply go up at every opportunity to do so. Eventually, I found myself on a balcony open to the night air, much higher in the castle. Above me, I caught sight of the ever-present moon once again. I walked to the edge of the balcony and stared up at it. Its soft light helped to soothe the sick, empty sensations I was struggling with. I wasn’t sure how long I had been standing there when I heard steps behind me.

“That is Kingdom Hearts,” said a deep voice that I did not recognize.

“It’s beautiful,” I said, and meant it. I didn’t want to look away, but I also wanted to know who was there, so I tore myself away.

“Yes, it is,” said the man I was talking to. He was tall and dark, with silver-white hair. His eyes were a startling shade of yellow, or perhaps orange. Almost wolf-like. Something authoritative in his bearing made me assume that this was the Superior that I had been told about. Xemnas, if I wasn’t mistaken. He, too, was looking up into the sky. Taking this as permission, I returned my gaze to the moon.

“It is our purpose,” he added. “And our strength.”

I didn’t understand what he was saying, so I wasn’t sure how to reply. I decided to wait and see if he would continue. After a few moments, to my relief, he did.

“When Kingdom Hearts is completed, we, too, will be complete.”

That meant something to me. Complete. Now that it had been said out loud, I realized that “incomplete” was a very accurate way to describe some of the things about myself that I had been trying to put into words. It seemed that this man had the answers to my questions, or at least some of them.

“Why am I not complete?” I asked, looking at him again. “What’s wrong with me?”

He turned his gaze on me, appraising. “You, like all of us in Organization XIII, are one without a heart. A Nobody. There is a part of you that is missing.”

Something missing… I thought of my experience in the city, that hollow ache in my chest, and pressed a hand against the spot where the pain had flared up before. The man noticed my gesture and nodded, saying simply, “Yes.”

“But we can fix it.”

“Yes.”

“What can I do?”

Xemnas seemed pleased. “You will begin training in the morning. Our other new member will teach you what you can do to aid our cause.” He turned as if to go, but I spoke without thinking.

“Wait.” I had to ask, even if it made him angry. “Do you know who I am?”

He paused and looked back over his shoulder. “You do not remember?”

“No.”

He gave me a long look. “Your name is Xeros.”

I was too preoccupied with this new information to reply, and Xemnas left before I finished processing my thoughts. I had a name. I didn’t recognize it, but it was mine. Some small thing, at least, that I could hold on to. Did Xemnas know more about me? He seemed to have many answers. I would have to see if I could find anything else out from him.

“Xeros,” I said to myself quietly, tasting it.

Well, it was a start.


End file.
